I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
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My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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