I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
