Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
