I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You took a bar mat shot.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
