I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
