Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Randomize
