I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
