Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
