I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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