i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
My vagina just recognized that song.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
