The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
