While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
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