well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
