sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Randomize
