The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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