my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
