I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You made out with two different species that night
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
