i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
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