New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
