If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
My ATM looks so different sober.
We are two peas in an std pod
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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