I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize