My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
