You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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