rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Randomize
