Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
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I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
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How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize