Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
two words: eviction party
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
