i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
