every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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