I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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