Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize