You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
