I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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