Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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