Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
