You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
