they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
