His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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