I cut my penus on the lid.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
