'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
