i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
