ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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