How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
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