Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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