I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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