Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Ketchup is God's man juice
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
