we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
