The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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