so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We left the knife in your bed.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
