Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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