I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
