i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We were destined to go to rehab together
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
