My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
don't judge my taste in strippers
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
