wat bout pragnant strippers??
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Randomize
