When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize