Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
