im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
