We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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