true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
