my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
