How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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